Which Path I Should Take?

So, I'm stuck. I don't know which one to take between two post-grad degrees in Toronto. I initially thought of taking Human Resource Management at Humber College (Lakeshore campus) since they have a mandatory work term that could help me land a job for my PGWP and increase my network in Toronto. Also, I am interested in taking the Public Administration post-grad degree at Seneca College (York Campus) since I am a government employee, and I can easily defend this on my student plan. It also has an optional work permit, and the campus is at York University. I guess I have to do more research on which one to take. To be fair, Humber College also offers Public Administration, but it is more expensive at $26,000. We'll see how this goes.

I Survived!

Last week was just hectic. So, it was on the third week of my online work as a podcast manager. I was still learning about the how-tos of my role, plus I had to attend a two-day seminar about safety management. Do I have a choice? Nope, I didn't. I am the safety officer of my facility, and I have to attend that meeting. But wait, there's more! I have to work four days straight! Like, OMG. I can't believe that I survived. By Friday, I was sleep-deprived, and I was using every ounce of my neurons. Just after logging out at my online work at around 3 PM, my brain was restless. Instead of taking an hour's nap, I searched some stuff on the internet, then went to the gym by 4:20 PM. At sundown, my mind started to shut off. It felt like my brain wasn't there in the first place. I was mentally tired at that time. My close colleagues invited me for dinner at MOA, but I bailed out last minute because I was mentally exhausted. I was too tired to socialize. The mental stress was taking a toll on me. So, at around PM, I slept. The next thing I knew, the sun was already high, and it was bright outside. It was the best 11-hr sleep I have had—much-needed rest.

This week isn't that hectic since I have already done some tasks on my online work, and I don't have online meetings. God, I hate online meetings. Now I know what it feels like to attend online conferences and workshops for days. Zoom fatigue is real! I still have to work four days straight at ATMC but, I have already arranged that since I'm the shift supervisor on all shifts.

Anyway, I am still grateful for this online opportunity because it will help me save more and plan for my finances since I will study in Toronto! I think I'm going to settle at Humber College. I am excited! I am starting to gather my documents, schedule my upfront medical examination early next year, and research international student life in Canada. Wow, this is it! 

PS: I'm back in Makati CBD, and life is better here. I just didn't like BGC.

Second Half of 2021

I can't believe we're halfway through with 2021. So, yeah, my Canadian boss decided to take a break from my voiceover job, but I'm hoping that he'll give me projects soon. He told me there's nothing to do about the efforts I made but some of his projects that I'm working on didn't pick up steam. In the meantime, I'm applying for an online translator side gig. I'm currently residing at BGC, another posh district of Manila. I love the environment plus my new housemate is my former schoolmate back in uni so this shouldn't be hard (plus our birthdays are only a week apart, so we share the same attitude HAHA).

Wish me luck! I'll fly back to Davao in three weeks again to have my second dose of vaccine. I'm so excited! Most of my friends have already been vaccinated. My hopes are high.

Solitude

How is it possible to feel empty despite doing productive things? Like, today, I had 8 hours of good sleep, wrote the first safety report for the year 2021, ate delicious Chinese food, worked four hours for my online voice-over project, and watched three episodes of medical dramas. I even planned to edit my Melbourne vlog, but my creative juices aren't spilling out yet.

Yet, I feel terrible. Terrible because I wasn't like this. There's a party with my colleagues, yet I chose to stay at the office to do this stuff, to keep myself preoccupied. I feel better with this kind of setup. There are days when I don't feel like talking to anyone. There are days when I value solitude, that I have to regenerate this energy inside me. I don't know, but I still feel terrible and empty inside despite being productive. I am not proud of what I did like I only gave four stars to the Grab delivery guy just because he doesn't have change for 500 pesos for my McDo delivery. So, I went to the nearest ATM, only to find out it's taking 48 years to dispense money. I banged the ATM out of frustration, and I didn't listen to the Grab driver's suggestion that I can pay him through GCash the following day. Instead, I gave him four stars despite him being so apologetic with our predicament. I know it wasn't a big deal on my end, but for him, it was. He was doing his job, and here I am, acting like a privileged brat. It feels like there's an inner monster or demon inside me.

Maybe all these emotional stresses that accumulated since last February had finally reached a crucial point. I'm not like this. But, there are people in your who'd test your patience. When someone broke your trust, you'll never bring it back. I believe people deserve second chances in life, but we have to consider the circumstances. As for me, when someone broke their trust, they start burning the bridges. Why fix something that's already damaged when you can destroy the foundations of it? I'm all for quality over quantity, and I don't give a flying fuck about all those good memories. Memories, whether good or bad, are a thing of the past. It's good to reminisce about it, especially the good ones, but we have to move forward.

Maybe I was hurt because someone took advantage of me being selfless. Maybe I was hurt because someone dares to tell lies to people. Maybe I was hurt because they never asked how I truly felt if I was okay or not. I think it's about time to leave this heavy emotional baggage and move forward. Burning bridges and destroying their foundations will surely help to unload this burden that I'm feeling right now.

I will be okay. But for now, I am not.