Some updates about my life

I just don’t write something that hasn’t happened yet. I don’t know, as much as I’m an optimist, I am leaning towards pragmatism. I don’t give myself false hopes because, at the end of the day, it’ll hurt me so bad. As an air traffic controller for nine years, I have learned how to pre-plan my life, and plan at least ten steps in case shit hits the fan. 

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A few days ago, a creative idea just popped out of my awesome brain. Awesome. Yeah right. Anyway, so I was thinking of writing a book. Can you believe it? Well, I am not surprised. When I was in fifth grade, I began writing my novel. It’s a horror-comedy kind of book. It’s all about a family who just moved to a new neighborhood. Like your typical horror-comedy flick, the family lives happily while they settle in their new environment. And all of a sudden, strange things began to unfold. The family had a tomato garden in their backyard. Then their tomatoes started to grow big and began to develop teeth. You already know what happened. It’s morbid. It’s fun. But, I didn’t take the time to finish the book because I don’t know how to end it.

Maybe I just missed writing. Like, writing-without-being-forced-to-write-something kind of thing. Trust me, when you write something creatively, it’s hard especially when you lack inspiration. I honestly can’t picture myself working in a creative industry. My creative juices need to be replenished now and then. The problem is, I need long breaks in between. That can’t be done if I work at an advert company, for example.

Going back to the topic, I am thinking of writing something about my journey as an air traffic controller in the Philippines. You know, it’s my first job, been working for nine years already, and I am feeling sentimental just thinking about it, especially since I am LEAVING the country for good. I honestly don’t care about the reception after publishing it. But the fact that I published a book is already huge. I am also planning to publish my travel stories as well. These dreams are in the pipeline, and I am considering them. 

First Two Weeks

2022 welcomed us with a bang, like literally. For the first few days of the year, I have finally decided to resign from my online job. It's no longer making me happy, and I got burnt out from all those demanding tasks. Almost nine years of being an ATC, I have never experienced this before. Even hearing Slack's notification and the Aussie accent is making me anxious. So, I decided to resign. This job is one of my means to earn more for my show money and tuition fee for my Canadian dream. But no, I was no longer happy. I told my parents about what I was feeling, and they told me not to worry about it because they were willing to help me. For the first time, I felt free! Like a slave unchained from the clutches of his ruthless master!

It was the best decision I have made so far because everyone got tested positive back at my 'real' work, and we lack a workforce. Since the start of the year, I have been working endless hours to meet the minimum shift complement—good thing we are all getting paid for rendering overtime work.

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Speaking of which, we had an emergency online meeting in our cluster to discuss the procedures and our work schedule. I have this colleague who is an anti-vaxxer. Instead of discussing the main plan, he kept veering off-topic, like the anti-vaxxer's sentiments and the omicron variant being a 'Mother Nature's natural vaccine.' As the one who previously contracted COVID-19 last year and experienced isolation for 14 days, I lashed out. I was fuming mad because he completely disregarded science and presented dumb facts from conspiracy theories. I have friends who suffered and died from the virus, and I cannot just let it pass through. His sentiments scream injustice. I debunked what he said and left the online meeting after that. I can't stand the blatant ignorance. Every time I see him in the office, I feel indifferent. I don't care, to be honest. I pray that he will only experience mild symptoms if he contracts the virus. Otherwise, he will never get an ounce of pity if everything gets serious. I don't know; thinking of that particular moment makes me fuming mad. Anyway, we need to move on. It's already in the past, and I have to focus on beneficial things and make me happy.

Speaking of the things that make me happy, someone from UFA Technologies interviewed me for a possible job offer. Hours before the interview, I felt nervous because it'll be all over if I screwed this up. Plus, add that Jason speaks highly of me at the office, so imagine the pressure of keeping up with the 'gold standard.' The interview went really well, based on Neil's comments. I hope that this is the sign I've been waiting for. This pathway is better than the international student pathway because I don't need to shell out millions. But, who knows? Either way, I have more options to consider.

Anyway, this is getting long. The first two weeks of 2022 have been crazy. 

I Survived!

Last week was just hectic. So, it was on the third week of my online work as a podcast manager. I was still learning about the how-tos of my role, plus I had to attend a two-day seminar about safety management. Do I have a choice? Nope, I didn't. I am the safety officer of my facility, and I have to attend that meeting. But wait, there's more! I have to work four days straight! Like, OMG. I can't believe that I survived. By Friday, I was sleep-deprived, and I was using every ounce of my neurons. Just after logging out at my online work at around 3 PM, my brain was restless. Instead of taking an hour's nap, I searched some stuff on the internet, then went to the gym by 4:20 PM. At sundown, my mind started to shut off. It felt like my brain wasn't there in the first place. I was mentally tired at that time. My close colleagues invited me for dinner at MOA, but I bailed out last minute because I was mentally exhausted. I was too tired to socialize. The mental stress was taking a toll on me. So, at around PM, I slept. The next thing I knew, the sun was already high, and it was bright outside. It was the best 11-hr sleep I have had—much-needed rest.

This week isn't that hectic since I have already done some tasks on my online work, and I don't have online meetings. God, I hate online meetings. Now I know what it feels like to attend online conferences and workshops for days. Zoom fatigue is real! I still have to work four days straight at ATMC but, I have already arranged that since I'm the shift supervisor on all shifts.

Anyway, I am still grateful for this online opportunity because it will help me save more and plan for my finances since I will study in Toronto! I think I'm going to settle at Humber College. I am excited! I am starting to gather my documents, schedule my upfront medical examination early next year, and research international student life in Canada. Wow, this is it! 

PS: I'm back in Makati CBD, and life is better here. I just didn't like BGC.

Second Half of 2021

I can't believe we're halfway through with 2021. So, yeah, my Canadian boss decided to take a break from my voiceover job, but I'm hoping that he'll give me projects soon. He told me there's nothing to do about the efforts I made but some of his projects that I'm working on didn't pick up steam. In the meantime, I'm applying for an online translator side gig. I'm currently residing at BGC, another posh district of Manila. I love the environment plus my new housemate is my former schoolmate back in uni so this shouldn't be hard (plus our birthdays are only a week apart, so we share the same attitude HAHA).

Wish me luck! I'll fly back to Davao in three weeks again to have my second dose of vaccine. I'm so excited! Most of my friends have already been vaccinated. My hopes are high.

Solitude

How is it possible to feel empty despite doing productive things? Like, today, I had 8 hours of good sleep, wrote the first safety report for the year 2021, ate delicious Chinese food, worked four hours for my online voice-over project, and watched three episodes of medical dramas. I even planned to edit my Melbourne vlog, but my creative juices aren't spilling out yet.

Yet, I feel terrible. Terrible because I wasn't like this. There's a party with my colleagues, yet I chose to stay at the office to do this stuff, to keep myself preoccupied. I feel better with this kind of setup. There are days when I don't feel like talking to anyone. There are days when I value solitude, that I have to regenerate this energy inside me. I don't know, but I still feel terrible and empty inside despite being productive. I am not proud of what I did like I only gave four stars to the Grab delivery guy just because he doesn't have change for 500 pesos for my McDo delivery. So, I went to the nearest ATM, only to find out it's taking 48 years to dispense money. I banged the ATM out of frustration, and I didn't listen to the Grab driver's suggestion that I can pay him through GCash the following day. Instead, I gave him four stars despite him being so apologetic with our predicament. I know it wasn't a big deal on my end, but for him, it was. He was doing his job, and here I am, acting like a privileged brat. It feels like there's an inner monster or demon inside me.

Maybe all these emotional stresses that accumulated since last February had finally reached a crucial point. I'm not like this. But, there are people in your who'd test your patience. When someone broke your trust, you'll never bring it back. I believe people deserve second chances in life, but we have to consider the circumstances. As for me, when someone broke their trust, they start burning the bridges. Why fix something that's already damaged when you can destroy the foundations of it? I'm all for quality over quantity, and I don't give a flying fuck about all those good memories. Memories, whether good or bad, are a thing of the past. It's good to reminisce about it, especially the good ones, but we have to move forward.

Maybe I was hurt because someone took advantage of me being selfless. Maybe I was hurt because someone dares to tell lies to people. Maybe I was hurt because they never asked how I truly felt if I was okay or not. I think it's about time to leave this heavy emotional baggage and move forward. Burning bridges and destroying their foundations will surely help to unload this burden that I'm feeling right now.

I will be okay. But for now, I am not. 

2020

It's the time of the year when we post how we spent the year and how it culminated. This year was an exception–no throwback travel photos, no photos of your family and friends being together. It has been a long and dreary year for us, and January 2020 felt like it happened a decade ago. We have been through hardships this year, and all of these have affected most of us. It's easy to say that 2020 is the worst year yet as some succumbed to the virus, and long-awaited plans have to be put on hold indefinitely. Some of us were also quite eager to see the sunshine again, the birds sing, the flowers bloom, and this cold veil, the outbreak lifts itself off of this world. Most had desired so mere, yet so lofty. Everyone wanted to do what they did last year and the years before: live normally again, breathe once again some outer air. However, before this outbreak, people were tired of living monotonous lives, and they craved some change.

This year was all about realizations instead of expectations. We truly understood the meaning in the phrase, 'life is precious' and truly learned not to take anything or anyone for granted, not to guarantee anything, and to expect less and accept more. 

2020 changed us in every possible way. What was once flourishing in 2019 plunged into a deep, dark abyss in 2020. While some of us became a little cold, let's shed off the misfortunes that engulfed us, let us again smell the glittering new year. 2020 was a year that enhanced people's experience with turmoil and some with trauma due to the passing of those that once breathed air like we once did. While we're at it, we have stories and tales to tell when we're old and gray, like what we hear from the war veterans. While I am aware that it's like comparing apples and oranges, what happened this year will be embalmed in our history books, and one day, the future generations will one day use it as a source of knowledge.

One can only hope that 2021 will give us everything that we couldn't have in 2020. While 2021 rhymes with '2020 won', it didn't win.

The Impact of COVID-19 on Philippine Air Traffic Management

On March 12, 2020, Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte announced the halt of domestic land, sea, and air travel to and from Manila beginning on March 15. The National Capital Region (NCR) and the Greater Manila Area (GMA) were under Extensive Community Quarantine (ECQ) to curb the spread of COVID-19. International flights to key cities in the country had followed as well. While the government has advised everyone to stay at home, it was an entirely different story for air traffic controllers, albeit with the new safety procedures and health protocols mandated by the Department of Health.

The Air Traffic Service of the Civil Aviation Authority of the Philippines (CAAP) officially inaugurated the Philippine Air Traffic Management Center (ATMC) last August 2019 as it gears towards the integration of systems of the approach control and en route facilities of the country. The new integrated system addresses the increasing demand for air travel in the country. 

Know Thy Worth

So, I had an hour of a heart-to-heart talk with my best mate in Toronto. I told everything about why I was feeling down and sad these past few days. I told my mate that I have dropped a bomb that really caught him (nope, not my mate, the other person) off guard. I was actually expecting it. My good mate told me that there's nothing wrong with me and I just have to do those things that make me happy. He said, "know your worth, Renz!". I'm still in the process of recovering from all the bad shenanigans I did. It was downright irrational, irresponsible, and I might have caused a burden to him, to begin with. His last message read, "I really appreciate this. I have to process it though." Maybe I am still new to this thing, and the lesson was learned the hardest way. People really come and go, but they teach you valuable lessons in life. I should go with the flow, and the person who truly values me will just come when I least expect it.

Such a life!

PS: And oh, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won!

Irrational Thoughts at 1 AM

I always think that I'm smart, rational, and organized. At work, I believe that I'm one of the most efficient employees, and I always strive for perfection. I have no problem with that. BUT, when it comes to love, I'm on the opposite spectrum.

Against The Tide

My dearest Super Pumpkin,

Maybe you will forget everything I have written here, but it doesn’t matter. Resting upon these pages are my truest feelings for you. I will leave my love for you so you might someday find it, when you’re moving to a better apartment, or when you start disposing old things from your drawer or cabinet, and so I may leave it behind me, so I may live again. Like the way, I used to live before.

Sodexo unwraps the best gifts and their digital solution this holiday season

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The US Elections 2020

The entire world is watching. It's a neck-to-neck battle between the incumbent President Trump and Joe Biden. This is the current electoral college map, Biden, with 238 votes, and Trump is trailing behind at 213 votes. Nevada, Michigan, and Wisconsin are all leaning towards Biden as they continue to count the mail-in votes. Nevada has six (6) electoral votes, while Michigan and Wisconsin have sixteen (16) and ten (10) electoral votes. The remaining states that are leaning towards Trump are Pennsylvania, Georgia, and North Carolina. These three states have 20, 16, and 15 electoral votes, respectively.

100 decibels

 I am so disappointed right now. Although, the wounds were patched and bridges weren't burned, but I still can't get over to it. I know that sometimes I can get tactless, but it's just me. When things didn't go in my way, I try to be sarcastic because it's my coping mechanism. It's me being me. But apparently, someone misconstrued it and blew it out of proportions. I was yelled at and the last time I got yelled at was decades ago, like when I was still six or seven and it was understandable during that time because I was so naughty, but to be yelled at because of a misconstrued statement? I don't know, I just broke out and cried. For the first time in my life, I felt helpless. I cried so hard because I wasn't expecting that to happen. I felt so sorry for myself. I believe I didn't deserve that kind of treatment.

I guess I need to stay away from certain people and enjoy solitude. Yes, a time to be alone.

Retreat House

 And just like that, my month-long R&R has finally come to an end. So sad, but I had fun despite a few minor speedbumps and inconveniences along the way. I will defo miss those days when I'd just play the PS4 all day, edit my vlogs, and just catch up with my reading and Netflix lists. I'm grateful for the central office's initiative to give us a month-long vacay without deducting my leave credits. How cool is that? Also, I managed to finish Ace Combat 7 thrice! HAHAHA.

Back to reality. Back to work. Back to seeing my favorite colleagues. Back to seeing the faces of my colleagues whom I abhor the most (hahaha such a bitch, I know).

But, there's one thing that I wish to end–COVID-19. I miss going to the gym (though I'm still slim, only gained a pound since the quarantine started, but it made me happier because of endorphins and other happy hormones), I miss going to coffee shops alone, and most of all, I miss traveling.

Unexpected Reward

Life knows how to throw lemons at you because it becomes two pitchers of lemonade right before hitting me. Lmao. So today, the chiefs had a meeting and since the mental health of the air traffic controllers is on their top priority, they're now allowing us to fly home and stay there for one month without deducting our leave credits. They thought of rewarding us for staying as one of the front-liners in the aviation sector (as if we had a choice duh, but still grateful for their decision). It's been almost seven months since the last time I went home to Davao. So, yeah. I am stoked that I'm finally going home and stay there for a month. I've applied for the medical clearance from the barangay and the travel authority from the police.

Can't wait!

22 July

This is just a quick movie review. Take note that I have so much time to watch series and movies even at work. This is just one of my coping mechanisms from this global pandemic.

22 July is a very moving film about Norway’s deadliest terror attack, in which a right-wing extremist murders 77 teens at a youth camp in 2011. The film used restraint and empathy for the families whose lives were upended by an obsessed assassin. The film also reminds everyone about how political extremism can rattle a highly volatile society. The editing, cinematography, and the soundtrack were all on point. Casting the Norwegian actors instead of those from Hollywood adds the authenticity of this film. 

Rating: 4/5

Lockdown

I am trapped. We're on community lockdown. I was supposed to fly to Davao tomorrow and on the 26th. However, the entire Philippines is in community lockdown, forcing airports to close. Land and sea travel is closely monitored by the government as well. Public transportation is also suspended. In these trying times, we are left with no choice but to obey to curb the spread of the virus.

I urge everyone to stay at home if work warrants.  For the frontliners like us, always practice good hygiene. It wasn't an easy decision for the government to impose such restrictions. Some didn't have a choice but to work but to make ends meet. Without work, they don't have enough money to feed their families. People should check their privileges as well. If you don't have anything good to say about this situation, better shut up. There's no need to shove your privileges to everyone.

The Silent Patient - Alex Michaelides

I've never read a book that is so riveting, fast-paced, and very intriguing. I have read a lot of psychological thrillers, but this one was one of the best books I've read for ages. The Silent Patient is Alex Michaelides's first novel, and boy it did not disappoint! I first saw it on a book website and it claimed as one of the best books of the year 2019. Fascinated by its premise, I looked for a copy of it, but only to find out that it wasn't available at Fully Booked that time. Sad life. Anyway, I was strolling around Chadstone Shopping Centre in Melbourne, and I finally found a copy of it. And yup, truth be told, the book did not disappoint.

The story is about a famous painter who murdered his husband and ended up at a psych hospital, unable to talk. A criminal psychotherapist got mesmerized by her case and decided to help her talk again.

A fast read, and a true definition of a page-turner. I am still reeling from that ending because it was totally mindblowing!!! It's like reading Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl, but on steroids. It was THAT intense.

Not The Right Time

Yup, I didn't make it to the final round. But like I said, it is okay. I am okay. Heck, I didn't break down or what. I humbly accepted the outcome. I'm still proud of myself for doing it. No what-ifs in the future. Maybe today's not the perfect time for it. The Big Man from above surely has greater plans for me. No regrets, just love.

Actually, it was a blessing in disguise. I just realized that I still have a lot of things to accomplished in my sector to promote the safety culture. Also, I still have a job that pays well, and I can now plan my trips up to the end of the year. Australia for my birthday? Or Vancouver? It'll be summer, but why not? Or another trip to Korea with my BFFs and do some serious shopping? See? I am still blessed. Nothing to worry about.

Speaking of Canada, due to the ongoing nCov crisis, I rebooked my flight this May 21. My friends in Toronto got overjoyed upon learning my plans. There are SOOOOO MANY THINGS TO DO IN CANADA DURING SUMMER. Excited is an understatement.

Now, time to tone down my expenses, and focus on my travel goals this year. Work hard, travel harder! Love you all!

In Advance

Okay, after almost three years of using my 2015 Macbook Pro Retina 13.3" laptop, I've upgraded to the 2019 model of it. I bought the space gray color, and man! No. Fuckin'. Regrets. I think one of the factors was the need to upgrade to a faster machine for my productivity apps (Photoshop, Lightroom, and Final Cut Pro). Don't get me wrong, my previous laptop still works fine but the dents, scratches, and the staingate screen annoyed the hell out of me. I learned my lesson the hardest way. So, I bought the hardshell case (transparent color) to give my new toy (and expensive) toy some protection as early as day one. I should have bought a screen protector but it wasn't available and I've been to a lot of Apple Stores around Greenbelt and Glorietta. Maybe when I go to Melbourne, I might buy a screen protector there. Anyway, so far, so good. The new Macbook Pro 2019 is a beast, well, based on my needs. The third-generation butterfly keyboard was kinda new to me since it's quite flat, but I love it. Also, the touch bar was also a game-changer. You really get what you paid for! I am so happy.

Actually, I told myself to buy a new laptop if I pass the cadet pilot exam of Cebu Pacific. The results aren't out yet, but I already bought a new laptop. Confident? No. I just can't wait to buy a new one. Also, people were saying that I should've waited for the 14" model, or better yet the 16" model. Well, I don't use my laptop for heavy rendering works. Probably the heaviest apps that I have right now are Final Cut Pro X, Lightroom, and Photoshop. Not to mention that my new laptop is now running in quad-core. I am not familiar with the technicals and numbers, but one thing's for sure, it had doubled its speed from my previous laptop.

Anyway, in a few days, I'll be flying to Melbourne again, this time with my mom. It'll be her first time visiting the State of Victoria. Hopefully, the weather wouldn't be that super hot, but I think it'll be sunny for the entire duration of our stay.

I am still anxious about the result. Whatever the result is, I tried. No regrets.