Yesterday

"Kuy, gising na."

Dad woke me up. It was 8 in the morning. It was unusual of having a gray hue on my room instead of a bright orange-yellow. It took me ten minutes to stretch, yawn and stare at the ceiling.

It was raining.

It was one of the perfect mornings that I've ever had. I prefer having a cold and rainy morning instead of a bright and warm one. I love when the sky's gray. I love how the cold blankets my body while drinking mom's hot chocolate.

It was still raining when I arrived at the office at around 9:30. I was supposed to pass the requirements of my scholarship but the office was closed. I waited for a few minutes. It didn't open. The place was desserted.

I was alone. I was stupid.

So, I went to the mall to chill. Alone. I first went to National Bookstore. I went to the magazine stand and read the latest issue of National Geographic. I managed to finish reading it after 20 minutes. It cost 399 pesos but I didn't spend even a single penny. By 11:30, I got hungry ergo ate heavy lunch. Alone.

While walking alone in the mall, I saw my high school crush. She was still beautiful. Her chinky eyes. Her sweet smile. Her fair complexion. I thought she didn't recognize me. I haven't shaved for three days. I was wrong. She even smiled at me and said, "Hi kuya!".

Right. Kuya. Big brother. She still considers me as her big brother. She wished of having one, like what she told me a few years back. I wanted to be more than her kuya back then. Foolish thought.

Time flies so fast.

I went back to National Bookstore. I saw some books. I have this urge to buy these three books. I imagined having a thousand peso bill in my wallet. I held the books for a minute or two.

It was painful. Window shopping isn't really my thing.

With limited money, I decided to go home - an hour journey.

While walking at the sidewalk, I saw her. Again.

"Ikaw nanaman?"

"Yes, ako nanaman. (smiles)"

"Sige kuya, bye!"

Yesterday was an odd day.

Time to move on.

Future Tense

While some of my batch mates (mostly from the Social Science and Humanities Department) are somewhat eager to land a decent job after graduation. I on the other hand will still study for another 5 years (specialization not included). Today. I feel like I'm taking a college entrance exam, again - filling up some forms, pasting some 2x2 ID pictures on it, photocopying some important documents and the list goes on and on.

I overheard them saying, "I wanna be rich" or "I hope I'll have an extraordinary career growth" or "I hope I work in a stable company".

And when they asked me for my future plans, I just told them, in a straightforward manner, like a bullet darting its way to the victim, "I'm going to study medicine. Still a student for the next 5 years". They were a bit surprised.

"Aren't you tired of being a student? I mean, another four years of studying? Why don't you just work instead and build your career in the field of research?", they asked.

"You know what, my mind tells me that I can still endure such stressful activities. Stress is actually everywhere! Do you think working for your monthly earnings is not stressful? I guess not. I know my capabilities. I know the limitations of my body. I know it's hard but I believe it is my duty to serve our country once I'm through with med school. And with that, I know that through my diligence and hardwork, I can help those people who are in need. I believe it is my destiny to become a doctor. We might not know, in the near future, I'm going to prescribe you some medicines that would actually save your life."

"Each and everyone of us has its own decisions. We are smart enough to determine our capacity, be mental, emotional or physical. I love what I'm doing right now and I'll do whatever it takes to reach my goals in life."

They were stunned. So am I.