Losing Grip

When I entered UP three years ago, I told myself to get as much as unos and graduate with [Latin] honors. Three years had passed and my principle had changed, all because of those experiences I had in the university.

Tres is just a passing grade; barely passed a certain subject. But you know what? Having a grade of three is the best experience in my whole life. Cliffhanger. It's just a matter of life and death.

At the start of the semester, you start to set your goals. By the end of the semester, you should have a GWA of at least 1.45 and become a University Scholar. Then, you try your best by studying every night. You even choose to stay home during weekends to finish your thesis than strolling at the mall. Then, your circadian rhythm is destroyed.

I just learned that you can't please everybody, no matter how hard you try, like what happened last semester. Evolutionary Biology (BIO 140) is a very interesting subject. But despite my interest (it came to a point that it became an obsession) on this subject, I only got tres. 3.0. It was really painful when I only got 25/100 despite having a four day preparation prior the exam. Well, the problem was, I had a hard time catching up with my professor's rhythm.

When I went to school three weeks ago to get my class card, I was really nervous. I thought that I was going to flunk this subject. When I got my class card and saw the number 3 circled by a black ink, I almost cried. Tears of joy. It just shows that if you start losing your track, you just think of finishing it, no matter what the results are.

I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough.

Yesterday

"Kuy, gising na."

Dad woke me up. It was 8 in the morning. It was unusual of having a gray hue on my room instead of a bright orange-yellow. It took me ten minutes to stretch, yawn and stare at the ceiling.

It was raining.

It was one of the perfect mornings that I've ever had. I prefer having a cold and rainy morning instead of a bright and warm one. I love when the sky's gray. I love how the cold blankets my body while drinking mom's hot chocolate.

It was still raining when I arrived at the office at around 9:30. I was supposed to pass the requirements of my scholarship but the office was closed. I waited for a few minutes. It didn't open. The place was desserted.

I was alone. I was stupid.

So, I went to the mall to chill. Alone. I first went to National Bookstore. I went to the magazine stand and read the latest issue of National Geographic. I managed to finish reading it after 20 minutes. It cost 399 pesos but I didn't spend even a single penny. By 11:30, I got hungry ergo ate heavy lunch. Alone.

While walking alone in the mall, I saw my high school crush. She was still beautiful. Her chinky eyes. Her sweet smile. Her fair complexion. I thought she didn't recognize me. I haven't shaved for three days. I was wrong. She even smiled at me and said, "Hi kuya!".

Right. Kuya. Big brother. She still considers me as her big brother. She wished of having one, like what she told me a few years back. I wanted to be more than her kuya back then. Foolish thought.

Time flies so fast.

I went back to National Bookstore. I saw some books. I have this urge to buy these three books. I imagined having a thousand peso bill in my wallet. I held the books for a minute or two.

It was painful. Window shopping isn't really my thing.

With limited money, I decided to go home - an hour journey.

While walking at the sidewalk, I saw her. Again.

"Ikaw nanaman?"

"Yes, ako nanaman. (smiles)"

"Sige kuya, bye!"

Yesterday was an odd day.

Time to move on.