De Prende des Décisions

what's on my mind right now??

I felt terrible (it's only me who knew this and not everyone else, of course except for those who read this blog post). Anyways, I attended Kissa's Eighteenth Birthday !! Haha. Happy Birthday Kissa!!

Well, Kissa's debut is not really a big problem or issue to me. Guess what?? It's my damn stupid long sleeve. That's right. MY ATTIRE'S FAULT. Alright. I have so many casual shirts and pants in my closet (like I need another closet to accommodate my other clothes and pants) but once again, scarcity ruled me when it comes to formal attires. I don't have much formal attires, thus I only had limited choices. Arrggghh. I was screwed before I went to the Apo View Hotel. Damn. First, I wore a blue long sleeved polo, and it was large - pretty large that it didn't accommodate my chiseled-toothpick-like-body. Damn. Then I went to my second choice, an olive green long sleeve - the long sleeve that I wore last year's prom. The size was small, but I didn't liked it. So I'm screwed for the second time around. Next, I decided to borrow my dad's long or short sleeves. He had many of these but the problem is, IT'S TOO DAMN BIG FOR ME!! Arrghh. Nothing happened. Then, nauwi nalang ako sa short sleeved brown polo ko, which was right and the fit was good. The only problem was, it looked like neither semi-casual nor semi-formal. 50-50. But I had no choice. So I hailed a jeepney, then went to SM, then hailed a taxi until I arrived in my destination.

The feeling was awkward. I was quite nervous. I got lost a bit in the hotel, found the elevator, saw my two former classmates, Eeva and Liz and finally pressed the 9 button on the elevator.

The moment the elevator door opened, everybody was surprised (well, primarily because of Eeva and Liz), but then they were all surprised to see my face again.

And you guessed it right, we did the "kamustahan stuffs" - how's my life in UP and everything. We waited for so long. The party should have started around six, but as what we all knew about Filipino Time, the party started around 7.30pm. An hour and a half late. I had some minor regrets regarding my attire. I should have worn a long sleeve rather than this. I should have worn slacks instead of maong pants. But I look decent though, with my black leather shoes. I don't know, I felt really awkward. But as time goes by, everything went on a smooth pace.

Everything was on a state of nirvana when my pesky dad called me. He was at the lobby already. It was eight in the evening and the party had just started. I just told (or texted) him to wait. Then after 15 minutes, he called and texted me again. Then, the horrible cycle repeats until I decided to leave the party. It was quarter to ten. The reason?? He's already sleepy. He can't take it anymore. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Back then, during dinner, my friend Luigi told or shall we say "convinced" me to transfer in Diliman or in UP Manila, with of course, the same course in UP Mindanao - BS BIOLOGY. But I tell you, if I opened this topic to my parents, they would certainly not allow me to shift any campuses outside Davao. Eh keshyo raw malayo, mahal (I understand this excuse) mahirap, hindi ko raw kaya ang buhay sa Manila.. WHATEVER. I don't had any problems with UP Mindanao, but what I really wanted was independence. As if, I'm their only child, their youngest child, or a fragile child with a heart ailment or leukemia and the list goes on and on and on.

Alright. If they will stick to their decisions, I would take the second option. Continue my stay at UP Min, then I'll take Medicine in UP Manila. By that time, I'm 21. But then, If they will not pursue my medicine proper in UP Manila, ay naku, does this means rebellion? Naah. I'm not a rebellious child. But the thought that I'm just wasting something precious within myself. I could excel if I'm in Manila if I wanted too. I wanted to have an opportunity to feel how to make decisions in LIFE.

But I realize, even making simple decisions could be a tough one, like what I did on choosing the right polo or long sleeve that I'll wear in the party.

But then, when I make decisions, I stand for it. It's my own fault if I made a wrong turn in life and I should deal with its consequences. Please. Give me a chance to prove myself that I could do such things like these. I'm old enough, biologically, physically, socially, psychologically and mentally.

Oh please, oh please, have mercy, give me independence. I hunger for Independence.