I hate these conundrums

I’ve been thinking of this a million times already.


When I was in third year high school, I really want to take Chemical Engineering since Chemistry really excites my brain cells. I don’t know. My classmates find me weird (and admittedly, a dork) since Chem’s a hard subject. I don’t care. It’s pretty interesting. So I said to myself that I’ll take Chem Eng. in Diliman. My mom’s quite giddy about it but my dad’s not. Manila is a dangerous place. Manila is dirty. Manila is Manila. Manila will always be Manila. Talk to my hand. Blabberisms.

Fourth Year. The Senior Life. The last year of my highschool life. It is the year of entrance exams, aptitude tests and dreadful projects. I was keyed up the moment I acquired my UPCAT Application Form. The moment I arrived at my domicile, I realized something’s wrong. I only felt confusion. Confused whether if I’ll pursue my study in Diliman or not. So I grabbed a pencil and initially wrote UP Manila as my first choice of campus. I wrote BS Biochemistry as my first choice and Biology as my second choice of course. Mindanao’s my second campus and I had no choice but to write Bio and Food Tech as my first and second choice of course respectively.

When my mom saw my UPCAT application form, she immediately ordered me to swap my first and second campus choices. It’s just dad would not approve of my decision of studying in Manila even if I passed on Manila. Kahit ma oblation scholar pa ako, he would still not approve on it. Sigh.

So, yeah, mom gave a wonderful suggestion. Take Bio in Mindanao and have my medicine proper in Manila. In my life, I didn’t think of taking Bio in college. It’s not like I hate Bio (I love Bio okay?), but, I don’t know. Today, I have no regrets of taking Bio since I do have good grades, which means I am still interested on this course and of course, I have you guys (my uber corny yet perky classmates). Nope. That’s not a problem. The thing is, the “unnecessary” what-if-thoughts keep on intruding my subconscious mind.

What if dad’s not that strict? What if I’m in Manila right now? Will I get killed by those rugby mobsters? Will I ever survive the lifestyle of Manila?

Ugh. Call me ambitious but in my entire life, I dream of being a MYX Veejay, a commercial model, a composer, a Graphic Artist, a Molecular Biologist, an Astronaut, a Chemist, a Chemical Engineer, an Air Traffic Controller, a Pilot, a Meteorologist, a Climatologist, a Nuclear Physicist, a Geneticist, and a Civil Engineer.


I may act like a kid who always dream of big professions here in the planet but hey, dreaming of being successful in the future would be a great help, right? And yeah, I was elicited to write this post since my mom’s childhood friend just took a visit on our home. Yes, she’s not ordinary, she’s extraordinary. She’s clairvoyant. I was mesmerized by her ability since she can read on what’s on my mind (like this) and she even gave an advice to mom that she should adjust on to my mood. She’s right, sometimes, I’m moody. And heck! I just only met her today! She claimed that I had a bright future. I'll be in Australia or in London. But something lacks on to my future life. And I can’t tell you about that. :))