Serendipitous Fate

It was February.

The quaint spring breeze makes the aura traumatic, well in some ways, thanks to my wonderful winter vacation back in Paris. Now I’m here in a hot and humid country, it still irks me whenever I look up in a heavy cloud-shrouded sky. It reminds me of something - Something benevolent in a pragmatic way of life.

It was raining and almost half of the class was late. Good thing, our Theology teacher was not that strict – an angel in disguise.

And then I saw her again. I would always daydream of her sweet her, billowing through my face. I would always hear her laughter whenever she’s happy. I’m always sad when somebody tries to hurt her feelings. The feeling was profound and naïve. Whenever I see her smile, it will make my day complete. No hesitations.

But reality hit me. I can see her everyday but I still can’t comprehend the way her eyes meet mine. I could somewhat sense her ethereal presence hovering on to me. I’ve come to realized that I’m in love with emptiness. I’m just a complete stranger and she’s every man’s dream girlfriend – pretty, witty, rich and famous.

I am pretty oblivious to the world of Oblivion. :(

--

Spring of 2006

Dear Diary,

I’ve never compelled myself to like him, no. Yes, I have to admit that he’s just an average guy in school except that sometimes, I’m always stunned by his presence. I don’t know why. The fact that I do have lots of friends from different walks of life doesn’t mean that I’m famous.

Even if I haven’t known him, there’s this magical spark that ignites my inner feelings. I would always feel awkward whenever I think that I’m close to him. No. I’m not that courageous. People may be surprised when I talk to him. We live in a different world, yes but I want my life to simple, like him. I’m tired of having this kind of life. I don’t care if I have a million dollars in my account nor overstated cars in my garage, it’s useless. Mom’s been away for like thirteen years and I haven’t seen my dad smiling even just for a few jiffies. I lived in a fortress, filled with trepidations and sorrow and it pains me so much whenever I think the veracity of my life.

And whenever I see him, it would always remind me of hope. Hope in a sense that he has a direction in life. Everyone knows me as a happy, pretty and witty girl. But no, I despise those compliments. My face is but a mask that hides all of the pain and sorrow that I’ve been suffering for more than a decade. I just want to be happy.

But there’s no plausible way that I can get close to him. It pains me so much when I think that painful fact.