Saturday, September 20, 2008

Serendipitous Fate

It was February.

The quaint spring breeze makes the aura traumatic, well in some ways, thanks to my wonderful winter vacation back in Paris. Now I’m here in a hot and humid country, it still irks me whenever I look up in a heavy cloud-shrouded sky. It reminds me of something - Something benevolent in a pragmatic way of life.

It was raining and almost half of the class was late. Good thing, our Theology teacher was not that strict – an angel in disguise.

And then I saw her again. I would always daydream of her sweet her, billowing through my face. I would always hear her laughter whenever she’s happy. I’m always sad when somebody tries to hurt her feelings. The feeling was profound and naïve. Whenever I see her smile, it will make my day complete. No hesitations.

But reality hit me. I can see her everyday but I still can’t comprehend the way her eyes meet mine. I could somewhat sense her ethereal presence hovering on to me. I’ve come to realized that I’m in love with emptiness. I’m just a complete stranger and she’s every man’s dream girlfriend – pretty, witty, rich and famous.

I am pretty oblivious to the world of Oblivion. :(


Spring of 2006

Dear Diary,

I’ve never compelled myself to like him, no. Yes, I have to admit that he’s just an average guy in school except that sometimes, I’m always stunned by his presence. I don’t know why. The fact that I do have lots of friends from different walks of life doesn’t mean that I’m famous.

Even if I haven’t known him, there’s this magical spark that ignites my inner feelings. I would always feel awkward whenever I think that I’m close to him. No. I’m not that courageous. People may be surprised when I talk to him. We live in a different world, yes but I want my life to simple, like him. I’m tired of having this kind of life. I don’t care if I have a million dollars in my account nor overstated cars in my garage, it’s useless. Mom’s been away for like thirteen years and I haven’t seen my dad smiling even just for a few jiffies. I lived in a fortress, filled with trepidations and sorrow and it pains me so much whenever I think the veracity of my life.

And whenever I see him, it would always remind me of hope. Hope in a sense that he has a direction in life. Everyone knows me as a happy, pretty and witty girl. But no, I despise those compliments. My face is but a mask that hides all of the pain and sorrow that I’ve been suffering for more than a decade. I just want to be happy.

But there’s no plausible way that I can get close to him. It pains me so much when I think that painful fact.

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